Chapter 30

Heat three of the race begins with Carl's team positioned at the starting line in their truck, driven by the drug-addled stripper Gluteus Maxx. As the invulnerability shields activate for the first ninety seconds, the track is suddenly flooded with thousands of migrating Sugar Hermits—colorful, skull-shaped creatures heading toward the kaiju skull at the finish line.

Carl's team arrives at the starting blocks for heat three of the race. Gluteus Maxx, the Mario Kart-proficient stripper selected as their driver, is enthusiastically revving the engine despite Carl's irritation. The team composition includes Donut secured in a new Smart Companion Royal Pet Throne chair called Dorota, two ghouls in cages in the back, and Carl crouched between the front seats in his kangaroo suit. Carl notes the other racing teams lined up: team Sparkles, the Jugglers, team Free Love, the Wild Hunt, the Lady Dominators, One Fine Pig, and his team at the end. Carl marks the Draconian mercenary on One Fine Pig's APV with denial-of-service missiles, hoping to slow them down without killing the vehicle. A new rule is announced: all teams will be protected by invulnerability shields for the first ninety seconds. Dr. Metcalf expresses frustration about not being upgraded, jealous of Donut's new chair. Carl discovers Gluteus has taken outworlder uppers that allow him to "taste time," making him dangerously impaired. Unable to swap drivers at the last moment, Carl prepares Donut to cast her Laundry Day spell to remove his suit so he can drive instead. Before the race starts, the track is suddenly invaded by tens of thousands of migrating Sugar Hermits—Level 11 female creatures that wear skulls like shells and are heading toward a kaiju skull at the finish line. The invulnerability shields protect the vehicles from the creatures' tentacles. The race is announced to be twenty minutes long.